I remember you, always

I remember when we were kids, how cute you were, so short, blonde and full of energy.
How you were friends with everyone. How you got along with all types.
Our neighborhood was different, us kids seemed to build our own family within ourselves.
None of our parents were decent, they were abusive, drunks, or druggies.
You're house seemed to be the safe place, the refuge.
I will never forget those times.
I look back and think what we should have done, and what we really shouldn't have done.
from my little brother and i not being able to be on the same football team together,
to
partying a bit too much. It was all good times, times where we didn't have to worry what was going on in our own homes, times we all could sit back and enjoy life just a little bit.
Our crazy ideas....from Winston and Kenny 4-wheelilng on federal land, to your idea of decent girlfriends!
The time where some stranger just walked in our house when my sister and i were home alone and all you boys came running over to "take" care of him and save the day....I remember that day very well.
We were like family, a large group of brothers and sisters.....just trying to make it from day to day.

We are all grown now, everyone left the old neighborhood, only a few still lurk around.
We are all adults with families of our own, and i don't see my children having the same luxuries in friends as we did when we were growing up. It saddens me. They will never fully understand why you are my adopted brother, or why sometimes when i talk about your dad, i too call him dad.
They will never know what it is like to fully depend on your friends, to always in some way keep track of them over the years, and wonder if there is anything you can do to help.

We were once very close, and loved each other like brothers and sisters......only a few cling on to that now. Its very sad if you think about it. from being so important in someone's life growing up, to not knowing each other at all anymore......it is a bleak and dreary thought.

But i know one thing for sure, I am lucky i have you, I am lucky we found each other again, and i for one love you more than you will ever know, and i am so very proud of the man you became. You will always be my brother.......no matter what happens.

I wish we lived closer, to be able to see each other would be amazing. A simple hug would be nice.

Don't ever think that just because i don't call, or keep in touch on a regular basis, that i don't love you or think about you..........i do. i do very much so. I think of you all the time, and brag about you daily. You are after all, my little brother. I just don't want to bother you and seem like a needy little bitch. lol.

You will never know how much you mean to me. But i do hope you understand that you are very important to me and i remember you, and i love you very much.

I hope sometime soon you can meet my family, and i can meet yours.........My daughter is 15 now....getting letters from colleges, has a boyfriend........and she has yet to meet her uncle J.J......i think that is long enough for you to be a ghost.......and we have got to start to make something happen to be able to get together soon. 

Don't ever think you are alone......you aren't. Not in the slightest.

keep in touch little brother, because you my dear, stole my heart long ago, and i'm not letting go now......no matter how much your little short ass kicks and screams.

take care,

i love you...

your crazy sister,

ivy cook

A smile.

I woke up this morning groggy and a bit cranky.....and then his arm fell over me ever so gently, and i felt his face nuzzle into my hair....i was faced the wrong way to see his beautiful face, but I've seen it for years, i know what it looks like and will never forget it.  i could feel his breath on the back of my neck, and what was going to be a crappy morning, started to change......the feeling of dread of having to get up started fading away, the thought of "just another hour of sleep!" started to dissipate.....all because of a simple touch, a touch he probably didn't even know he did, but is just habit now.

after 11 years, habits get formed. and you don't seem to notice the small things that your loved one would do that would make your heart skip a beat. sometimes, we need to be reminded of such things. this is one of those things my baby does every morning. its so hard to have to tear away from each other, when all you want to do is stay in each others arms. i don't know how he does it. he cuddles with me, and then forces himself away from me to get up and go to work to support the family. i can't do it. I would rather stay in his arms day and night. 

little things make the difference.

When he sings to me.....he always knows how to make me melt. and his eyes and voice is enough to have any girl fall in love with him.

when he surprises me by wearing his kilt. mmmm......yeah.......mmmmmm

when he wears his hair down on purpose......and comes to me and leans over me and lets his hair fall in my face, where it tickles my face ever so gently.....that right there.....is bliss.

when he sends me the text messege "miss you" or "love you" he knows how to pull on my heart strings.

some people forget these small little things.......but these are my daily smiles......these are some of the things that keep that spark between us.

after 11 years we are still madly in love with each other. and still love each other dearly even when we are upset at one another. and i love hearing people tell us "you two still act like newly weds" it lets us know that we are doing something right, and we have something very rare and very special.......

some of my smiles........

i love you baby........you are amazing......and i can't live without you!!!!

Life is about the smiles. 

 

What makes you smile?

you

It goes without saying

that you caught my attention

your smile opened a lonely void

it brightened my day

and lightened my heart

the passion of your words

cut through the isolation

and awoke an ambition

i thought was long departed

each dawn i anticipated 

a few simple words

that would lift my spirit

a short lived enchantment

was all it would ever be

to go from a stunning union

and end at a forsaken breach

must have always been our fate

as i am left puzzled

i have only one to blame

i should have never gazed upon your eyes

and listened to your lies. 

i will forever be humbled

and will tread with caution

for i have learned 

that the fire may warm me 

it will also cripple and abandon me.