sometimes these little things speak more than i can express myself.

i honestly forgot about this blog.......

It's been quite a while since i wrote in here. since 2011! yeah, I'd say that is a long time.

i am going to see if i can actually keep up a blog now that i am older and life has gotten a bit slower. we shall see. I'm not very good at keeping things up like this. i don't know why, i love to write stories, but the last one i have started, i have gotten to a point in the story where i don't know where to go, or if i should back up and start again and go at it from a different direction. but, alas, a bdsm story is hard to control. and the damn characters get so demanding! lol. kenny wants me to start again. he loves my stories......but would he enjoy them if they were just normal stories? or is it the brutal sex scenes that he loves so much? who knows. I do love how he is so eager to read the next scene or chapter! lol.

i have all the children in the kitchen tonight. they are old enough that they need to learn how to make whole meals on their own, so i won't worry about them when they get older. so i had hayley and allen make fried potatoes, they cut up the potatoes and onions and are frying them and seasoning them all on their own. the pork chops are in the oven. and brandy has made lime jello with mandarin oranges, and is now working on banana pudding........

hubby is playing video games. sometimes i get jealous that he gets so much freedom after work, to just as he pleases......but then i remember he is the one who works and makes the money and takes awesome care of us........though.....it would be nice to have a break of my own every once in a while! lol. i guess i will get that after the kids move out! lol. the kids are so time consuming! lol. but i love it.......they are damn good kids!

anyways, i will leave for now.......must go check on kiddos.......hopefully later i will have something to actually write about!

lost in the animal world.....

 early 2011

it wasn't until my dearest friend Ty messaged me on facebook did i realize that i was staring at the screen for about 20 minutes. he asked me what i was doing and i realized that i had been spacing out quite a bit this week....and my brain has been trying to tell me its on overload and needs a break.....it cannot answer the questions i have floating in my head and keeping me awake at night, and its tired.

but i can't help but constantly dwell over and over these thoughts.....and there is no answer....there is no mathematical formula to fix what is going on. there is no trick.....this is keeping me awake at night! well, that and quitting smoking.....

as you all have known, i used to be a zookeeper so to speak for over 10 years........I've worked at the SPCA, the Tulsa zoo, and safaris sanctuary in broken arrow. I've worked with all sorts of animals...and lots of different types of people. and i don't care who you are........you do not know the animals world until you have been knee deep into it for several years. people like us.....we have fur and scales running through our veins!

and you develop strong bonds with people. bonds that never really break, even if you take a two or three year break......they are always there. and you develop certain qualities and your character changes. which way and how they change is up to you and how you perceive things.

i am not going to bore you on how i changed to what and who i am today....(see, people like us, we consider ourselves two parts.....part of us is still human, but the other part has grown on its own and is morphed into something else....hence the "what" part) most of you know me anyway.......lol.

i am having such a problem writing this because my brain isn't staying on track........i feel like i have adhd......lol........and i am so troubled that i am not able to think strait....

many years ago, i met Kurt......many of you know of Kurt....not many have actually met the man that i fell in love with so long ago......i trained him up at safaris, and tormented him at the same time. we had some amazing times......some wonderfully fun times! that was a long time ago though. over two years ago....after Pete was attacked by the liger and died later from the damages, i disappeared the animal world.....left, didn't look back, and slowly found a life outside of the life i had built up and known and loved for so long. only keeping in touch with Johnathan and Ty.

well, a few months ago, i get a phone call from Kim, telling me that i needed to get in touch with Kurt, and that was a message she left me on voice mail! and it took me oh, 4 or 5 days to decide to call her back and talk to her....and another 2 days to get in contact with Kurt.

so, just to let you know.......i am NOT in the animals world. i have friends again who are.....and i tend to be in the loop of things now, but, i still keep my distance, and will continue to keep my distance until i deem otherwise, because let me tell you......the OKLAHOMA animal world is messed up.....and it may be because of one person.....but still, that one person is enough to ruin everything for everybody!!!!

am i missing something here?

 sometime in 2011

I've been involved in many things and with many groups. in my short 30 years i have done quite a variety of different things. But, people who refuse to listen and learn still amaze me!

I've been deep in the PTA for years, organizing and planning and leading. Even through all the drama that goes with it. All those moms thinking they are better then everyone else, and their kids are the perfect gems......i bit my tongue and just smiled.

I was freaking neck deep in the animal world.....i worked with exotics and domestics. I've made people cry and jump over 12 foot fences to get away from me. I've made some lifelong friends furry and human.

you know i could go on and on and on.....but most of you know me any how........and why should i go down the long list of things I've done......right? why waste my time! lol

so when i come across something that i don't quite agree with, all of you know that i am going to voice my opinion.......and some of you will agree with me......but its very common for most of you to argue with me......and that is okay with me, everyone has a right to voice their opinions, and i love that....especially when you can stand up for what you believe in......because i do that every day! i think its great!

what i have a problem with is the spoiled brats out there that cannot handle someone thinking differently then they do.....the people who think the world is a great and wonderful place, and they want everyone to be as happy and sickening as they are......well, guess what........not everyone has to think the same way you do.....and in the real world, not everyone is nice, and sweet! i am far from that........and i tell everyone that every day.....but no one listens. "oh ivy, you are funny" " oh, ivy you are sweet" and on and on and on and on......."oh, ivy you should join us" and what do i tell all of you who have said things like that to me??? hmmm??? yup...."you don't know who i am" and you think I'm being cute!  I'm not.....I'm warning you!!!!!