lost in the animal world.....

 early 2011

it wasn't until my dearest friend Ty messaged me on facebook did i realize that i was staring at the screen for about 20 minutes. he asked me what i was doing and i realized that i had been spacing out quite a bit this week....and my brain has been trying to tell me its on overload and needs a break.....it cannot answer the questions i have floating in my head and keeping me awake at night, and its tired.

but i can't help but constantly dwell over and over these thoughts.....and there is no answer....there is no mathematical formula to fix what is going on. there is no trick.....this is keeping me awake at night! well, that and quitting smoking.....

as you all have known, i used to be a zookeeper so to speak for over 10 years........I've worked at the SPCA, the Tulsa zoo, and safaris sanctuary in broken arrow. I've worked with all sorts of animals...and lots of different types of people. and i don't care who you are........you do not know the animals world until you have been knee deep into it for several years. people like us.....we have fur and scales running through our veins!

and you develop strong bonds with people. bonds that never really break, even if you take a two or three year break......they are always there. and you develop certain qualities and your character changes. which way and how they change is up to you and how you perceive things.

i am not going to bore you on how i changed to what and who i am today....(see, people like us, we consider ourselves two parts.....part of us is still human, but the other part has grown on its own and is morphed into something else....hence the "what" part) most of you know me anyway.......lol.

i am having such a problem writing this because my brain isn't staying on track........i feel like i have adhd......lol........and i am so troubled that i am not able to think strait....

many years ago, i met Kurt......many of you know of Kurt....not many have actually met the man that i fell in love with so long ago......i trained him up at safaris, and tormented him at the same time. we had some amazing times......some wonderfully fun times! that was a long time ago though. over two years ago....after Pete was attacked by the liger and died later from the damages, i disappeared the animal world.....left, didn't look back, and slowly found a life outside of the life i had built up and known and loved for so long. only keeping in touch with Johnathan and Ty.

well, a few months ago, i get a phone call from Kim, telling me that i needed to get in touch with Kurt, and that was a message she left me on voice mail! and it took me oh, 4 or 5 days to decide to call her back and talk to her....and another 2 days to get in contact with Kurt.

so, just to let you know.......i am NOT in the animals world. i have friends again who are.....and i tend to be in the loop of things now, but, i still keep my distance, and will continue to keep my distance until i deem otherwise, because let me tell you......the OKLAHOMA animal world is messed up.....and it may be because of one person.....but still, that one person is enough to ruin everything for everybody!!!!