been a while

It has been a while since i have posted anything on here.
life just gets busy.
So we went on our weekend getaway......which was down in southern oklahoma, in broken bow........we left on a snowy friday.......normally it would take only 3 to 3.5 hours to get there from our house, but since it was snowing pretty good, it took us a whopping total of 5.5 hours to get there.......it slow going. but we finally got there right before midnight. we got settled in and soon past out. that next saturday we went for an hour hike in the cold and snow........came back to the cabin for some much needed quality time together for the rest of the weekend. it was amazing!

Big sexy has decided to go back to school to finish his bachelors degree. So we have been so busy and its been hit and miss seeing each other. We are managing though. and we still find time for each other.

so now, i am researching for the family summer vacation. the kids want a cabin in the woods near a lake......i want to go see historical sights, and big sexy wants to go hiking to old mining towns hidden in the arkansas woods.......well, i'm sure i can get that together! lol.

and can you beleive it? there are no decent furniture stores in tulsa? nope.....none at all.......and we refuse to give our money to mathis brothers......and since they seem to own EVERYONE......we will be taking a trip down to dallas to buy a living room set......fun fun.

my eldest daughter will be going to her first robotics competition tomorrow morning......headed with her club without her parents right beside her for the first time ever........she is so excited.....and her teachers going with her and the others are amazing. i hope she has fun......even though i am sad i have to miss this.

anyways......better get back to researching for vacation............

till next time!!!!

random

Last night, i spent some much quality time with big sexy, it was amazing. for those of you who don't know.......big sexy (sometimes i even say bigfoot) is my husband. Anyways, big sexy and i was spending time together in our bedroom, giving the kids free roam of the house. He plugged away at his homework, and i piddled around on the internet. before long, we both got to looking at cabins for a weekend getaway.....and what i thought was funny was our 2 must have criteria, was....

#1. the bed had to be solid.....
and
#2 it had to be secluded.

and of course trailing in third it had to have a kitchen.....cause we will have to eat. lol.

i don't know how you all are with your spouses, but i am very very close to mine, we are best friends, and do everything together, and it would literally kill us to do anything separated from each other besides work.

but the idea of getting away from the house, work, family, stress, the kids, and all that other busy stuff is amazing to us. to be totally wrapped up in each others arms and totally engulfed with the other, is a blissful heavenly weekend trip. we don't need tv...........don't need internet....don't need technology......we just need each other........and then of course, if i get tired of hearing him talk......i will gag his ass......but even then....he is still right beside me....and i am able to absorb him in all ways and breath him in and confirm that we belong together and he is mine.

some may call it an obsession........we call it being addicted to each other. been together 11 years now and we are still hopelessly in love with each other.....

i could only wish such happiness for others........i mean, come on.......how amazing could it be for everyone to be so wrapped up in the other person that they love so deeply that all you can think about all the time is the other person and how fast you can be in the others arms again.......a lot of the bad shit that happens in this world would disappear! if you totally concentrate on your passion, your love? you wouldn't have time for anything else!

big sexy works, i take care of the kiddos........it works out........and then when he is home.....i am constantly having to touch him in some form or another........either my head has to be on him, or my hand has to be touching him........or i rest my foot on his lap.........i cannot have very much distance between us.

i dunno......like the title says........RANDOM......this is just a random thought........and it makes me smile to know that i found a guy that feels the same way about me that i feel about him........and that makes me the luckiest and richest woman ever.........

i love you baby!!!!

parenting

this isn't for the parents who are decent parents, who are a part of their children's lives, who do what they can the best they can for their children to raise them to become decent members of society.......and this is not for the parent's of children who have a disability, or mental illness that is beyond anyone's control.....

this is for the idiot parents.........which i find there are many......

if you are all about yourself, and your child only comes to mind every once in a while...or you think that being your child's friend is more important then being a real parent.......or you are just a complete moron.......yeah, this is for you........

you are helping no one....except yourself....if your child does not hate you half the time.....you are not a parent........you are simply a sperm or egg donor.........

if you think it is more important for your child to get what they want.........you are an idiot. how are they ever going to make it in the real world? the real world is cruel, and it never gives you what you want.......the real world makes you work for what you want and need.......and most of the time.....hard work doesn't always get you those things!

if you allow your child to disrespect you and/or others........why??? what is that teaching your child? NOTHING! i often hear "respect is earned" which as decent adults we all know that is total bullshit.......true honest deep down respect is given......like a soldier......instant respect......a hero.....instant respect.....those people don't have to earn that respect......they automatically have it........your boss.....they automatically have your respect......now...being polite and cordial is learned.......how the fuck do you expect your child to make it anywhere in life without learning this simple lesson??? and if your child doesn't respect you.....that again is your fault......you have failed to teach your child anything..........i have seem punk ass thugs who still respect their mommas........at least they have that going for them......they may not be the best of people......but at least their parent taught them something!!!!  if your child yells, rolls their eyes, or worse to you, your spouse, or grandparents........there is something that YOU have done wrong!

if your child throws a fit because you take their phone away......or their video games.......then you have failed your child........and its time to take all the electronics out of your damn house and go back to basics! how about having at least 2 nights a week where there is no tv, no video games, no phones, no music or media players........and you all sit in the living room and read or play board games??? yeah, trust me......that is the beginning of teaching your child there is more to life then electronics......and it really does help them! and if you can't live without electronics yourself.......you need to do this more than ever!

if you have a young child, and they are already showing signs of being needy and attracted to the opposite sex......and seems to think that, that is all there is to life.......you have failed your child...you failed to show them that the world is an amazing and wonderful place that they can actually be IN the world and contribute to its wonders and abilities, and not just live ON the planet.......you have taught your child that they cannot live without someone else to be there for them. you have taught them that they are not good enough to take the world head on themselves and figure life out alone, and fight and make their own world better, exciting and amazing.....without having someone by their side, or telling them what to do constantly......you have made a follower......and we all know how dangerous those are. you have failed your child. if you yourself still think you need a man/woman and without one, you are incomplete, or cannot survive......or if you still run to your mommy/daddy when things go wrong........you are a complete waste of time and space......you have taught yourself that you cannot make a decision on your own....and you cannot help yourself, and you are teaching your child to be the same damn way!

 i could go on and on........but i am sure you all get the point........stop being a dumbass and start being a parent........you are helping NO ONE........your child needs you to be a parent.....your child needs someone to guide them and help them through their childhood so they have a chance to take the world head one......stop worrying about hurting their feelings, or making them mad or upset.......they will thank you later in life for being a parent......they will NEVER thank you for being a friend........

LOST

many of you have lost a loved pet......i have lost many, and its always sad and heartbreaking to lose them. but last week i had to do the hardest thing i have ever done in my entire life. i had to say goodbye to my best friend.......people say that their pets are their best friends, but do you really mean it? i had to put down my beloved english mastiff of 9 years........he was 12 years old when we put him to rest........my husband adopted him for me as an engagement gift the year before we got married. i had always wanted an english mastiff.....and now, i don't think i will ever have another one.

what dozer did was not only take up room in my heart, but he also touched my soul, and i feel lost without him. he was always there for me, no matter what mood i was in, he always knew how to make me smile. he would cry with me, and laugh with me. he was amazing to the kids, and he stole my husbands heart as well. that big clumsy brat became my second son.........and he had me pegged for the sucker i am. he knew how to work me and get what he wanted.....lol.

being a stay at home wife/mother and not having many friends made me spend every day with him......and even when he would kick me out of my chair, or steal my lunch.....i didn't ever mind too much, because he was just so damn cute.

he and i both knew that the time was growing near.......he wouldn't want me to leave his side, and i didn't spend much time apart from him. he didn't eve complain when i cuddled up with him and put my arm around him.....which he usually did because he didn't like sharing his sofa with anyone! lol.

just about every memory for the past 9 years, had my best friend in them. he was always there.....in some form or another. the kids don't remember a life without him......and now he is gone........

i didn't have enough courage to go down to the vet with him, so i was the last person he saw......i had my husband do that part.........i just couldn't bring myself to do it......now, i regret it with each moment.......i should have been there in his last moments.....i should have been strong for him......like he always was for me.........how stupid i was to think it was going to be too hard on me to do one last thing for him.

now, i have been without him for 4 days.....and i am lost......i haven't smiled, i haven't stopped crying, i haven't even begun to get over him.........all i can do is miss him and grieve.......he should be here, right next to me, snoring because its nap time........and he isn't......he never will be again.......and nothing will ever be the same again........not without him........

he will never know how important he was to me........how much i loved him.......

it is like losing a child........i don't think i will ever get over it.

he should be coming back home to me this week sometime.......in a box.......how can someone so wonderful and loving and amazing just be put in a box? i will never be able to hold him, touch him, or play with his ears ever again.......just look at the box and hope he is happy and having fun where ever he is.......

one day, we will be together again......his ashes will be mixed in with mine.......until then...........i guess the box is where he will stay.........

I remember you, always

I remember when we were kids, how cute you were, so short, blonde and full of energy.
How you were friends with everyone. How you got along with all types.
Our neighborhood was different, us kids seemed to build our own family within ourselves.
None of our parents were decent, they were abusive, drunks, or druggies.
You're house seemed to be the safe place, the refuge.
I will never forget those times.
I look back and think what we should have done, and what we really shouldn't have done.
from my little brother and i not being able to be on the same football team together,
to
partying a bit too much. It was all good times, times where we didn't have to worry what was going on in our own homes, times we all could sit back and enjoy life just a little bit.
Our crazy ideas....from Winston and Kenny 4-wheelilng on federal land, to your idea of decent girlfriends!
The time where some stranger just walked in our house when my sister and i were home alone and all you boys came running over to "take" care of him and save the day....I remember that day very well.
We were like family, a large group of brothers and sisters.....just trying to make it from day to day.

We are all grown now, everyone left the old neighborhood, only a few still lurk around.
We are all adults with families of our own, and i don't see my children having the same luxuries in friends as we did when we were growing up. It saddens me. They will never fully understand why you are my adopted brother, or why sometimes when i talk about your dad, i too call him dad.
They will never know what it is like to fully depend on your friends, to always in some way keep track of them over the years, and wonder if there is anything you can do to help.

We were once very close, and loved each other like brothers and sisters......only a few cling on to that now. Its very sad if you think about it. from being so important in someone's life growing up, to not knowing each other at all anymore......it is a bleak and dreary thought.

But i know one thing for sure, I am lucky i have you, I am lucky we found each other again, and i for one love you more than you will ever know, and i am so very proud of the man you became. You will always be my brother.......no matter what happens.

I wish we lived closer, to be able to see each other would be amazing. A simple hug would be nice.

Don't ever think that just because i don't call, or keep in touch on a regular basis, that i don't love you or think about you..........i do. i do very much so. I think of you all the time, and brag about you daily. You are after all, my little brother. I just don't want to bother you and seem like a needy little bitch. lol.

You will never know how much you mean to me. But i do hope you understand that you are very important to me and i remember you, and i love you very much.

I hope sometime soon you can meet my family, and i can meet yours.........My daughter is 15 now....getting letters from colleges, has a boyfriend........and she has yet to meet her uncle J.J......i think that is long enough for you to be a ghost.......and we have got to start to make something happen to be able to get together soon. 

Don't ever think you are alone......you aren't. Not in the slightest.

keep in touch little brother, because you my dear, stole my heart long ago, and i'm not letting go now......no matter how much your little short ass kicks and screams.

take care,

i love you...

your crazy sister,

ivy cook

A smile.

I woke up this morning groggy and a bit cranky.....and then his arm fell over me ever so gently, and i felt his face nuzzle into my hair....i was faced the wrong way to see his beautiful face, but I've seen it for years, i know what it looks like and will never forget it.  i could feel his breath on the back of my neck, and what was going to be a crappy morning, started to change......the feeling of dread of having to get up started fading away, the thought of "just another hour of sleep!" started to dissipate.....all because of a simple touch, a touch he probably didn't even know he did, but is just habit now.

after 11 years, habits get formed. and you don't seem to notice the small things that your loved one would do that would make your heart skip a beat. sometimes, we need to be reminded of such things. this is one of those things my baby does every morning. its so hard to have to tear away from each other, when all you want to do is stay in each others arms. i don't know how he does it. he cuddles with me, and then forces himself away from me to get up and go to work to support the family. i can't do it. I would rather stay in his arms day and night. 

little things make the difference.

When he sings to me.....he always knows how to make me melt. and his eyes and voice is enough to have any girl fall in love with him.

when he surprises me by wearing his kilt. mmmm......yeah.......mmmmmm

when he wears his hair down on purpose......and comes to me and leans over me and lets his hair fall in my face, where it tickles my face ever so gently.....that right there.....is bliss.

when he sends me the text messege "miss you" or "love you" he knows how to pull on my heart strings.

some people forget these small little things.......but these are my daily smiles......these are some of the things that keep that spark between us.

after 11 years we are still madly in love with each other. and still love each other dearly even when we are upset at one another. and i love hearing people tell us "you two still act like newly weds" it lets us know that we are doing something right, and we have something very rare and very special.......

some of my smiles........

i love you baby........you are amazing......and i can't live without you!!!!

Life is about the smiles. 

 

What makes you smile?